Psychotherapist offers compromise strategies for couples disagreeing on having children
8 reported
A psychotherapist who has spent 50 years helping couples navigate the decision to have children or remain child-free says middle ground is often possible. Merle Bombardieri, author of "The Baby Decision," advises couples to aim for 80% certainty rather than 100%, as total certainty is unrealistic for most people. She recommends a solo exercise called "chair dialogue," where individuals sit in separate chairs representing parenthood and child-free choices to explore their feelings. Bombardieri also suggests rating one's decision on a scale from 0 to 10 to gauge the strength of each partner's preference. She emphasizes that someone certain about being child-free should never have a child just to please a partner. Compromise scenarios include having one child instead of three, delaying parenthood to travel first, or finding other ways to nurture a love of children. Bombardieri notes that some couples may ultimately decide to part ways, and that success depends on both parties feeling heard.
What’s reported
Merle Bombardieri is a psychotherapist and author of "The Baby Decision" who has spent 50 years helping couples with this issue.
Bombardieri says aiming for 80% certainty is realistic because most people will never feel totally sure.
The "chair dialogue" exercise involves two chairs: one for parenthood, one for child-free, and having a conversation with oneself.
Bombardieri advises rating one's decision on a scale of 0 (zero children) to 10 (must have a child or divorce).
She states that someone certain about being child-free should never have a child to please a partner.
Compromise examples include having one child instead of three, traveling first then starting a family, or finding other ways to nurture a love of children.
Bombardieri says some couples do break up, and that can be the answer.
The story was edited by Malaka Gharib, with visual editor CJ Riculan.
Key figures
Merle Bombardieri, psychotherapist and author of "The Baby Decision"
Malaka Gharib, editor
CJ Riculan, visual editor
Sources: NPR
